when i was drinking

be a doll and vote for me in round two of best cock on the block? here.

vote for me as crashtestcase

thanks!

trying to find the concentration to clean my room but keep coming back to sunday night where i pushed my mouth into yours and wrapped my knuckles into the body of your shirt. pulling at belt loops and throwing you on the couch knowing full well i had to leave for the airport in a matter of minutes to pick up vivian.

i really need to clean my room.

i don't want to be a bad woman
and i can't stand to see you be bad a man
i will miss your heart so tender
and i will love this love forever
and this is why i am leaving
and this is why i can't see you no more
this is why i am lying
when i say i don't love you no more.
cause i want to be a good woman
and i want for you to be a good man.

-cat power "good woman"

a friend of a friend pulled me aside last week for a sloppy intervention. she said, "that girl is toxic," and i said, "you know nothing about me." the girl looked at me with that sad tilted face and said, "you're easy to read, kid." my face grew hot and she said, "i know it isn't my place to say it but i don't think anyone else will: cut the bitch loose." her words were harsh but she used clean cuts to show me what i already knew, what i was already reaching for.

there is something i want to talk to her about but i am trying to find a way out of it. there is a conversation that needs to be had but i don't want it to hamper this process. i have considered going to one of our friends to have this paticular conversation with her for me but i am afraid that will make things much worse. i want her out of my life but i want her happy and healthy at the same time. i don't want to hurt her and i don't want to make her cry and i don't want to have ever known her. to care about what happens to someone while simultaneously wishing they had never entered your life are a couple of hard pieces to reconcile.

and you don't know me but you owe me
a little time to find some peace of mind
and when you hold me i'm not so lonely
it will be difficult to leave this life behind.

-her space holiday

Showers pounding out a new beat
I trade my old shoes for new feet
I grab a new seat
I don't like the one I got
The fabric's wearing through
And it's wearing me out
You're wearing me down

Watching old baseball games
And low budget telethons
Ain't like watching you yourself
When you yourself is on
Got time to wander to waste and to whine
But when it comes to you,
It seems like I just can't find the time

So watch your head and then watch the ground
It's a silly time to learn to swim when you start to drown
It's a silly time to learn to swim on the way down

If I gave you my number
Would it still be the same
If I saved you from drowning?
Promise me you'll never go away
Promise me you'll always stay

Closed down the last local zoo
I'm gonna win the endless war
Over who kills the last koala bear
And who in death will love him more and I
He grabs me by the hand
Drags me to the shore and says
Maybe you don't love me
But you'll grow to love me even more

And I well I'm not surprised

If I gave you my number
Would it still be the same
If I saved you from drowning?
Promise me you'll never go away
Promise me you'll always stay

Showers pounding out a new beat
I trade my old shoes for new feet
I grab a new seat
I don't like the one I got
The fabric's wearing through
And it's wearing me out
You're wearing me down

So watch your head and then watch the ground
It's a silly time to learn to swim when you start to drown
It's a silly time to learn to swim on the way down

If I gave you my number
Would it still be the same
If I saved you from drowning?
Promise me you'll never go away
Promise me you'll always stay

-Tegan & Sara

oh paul. anakin skywalker!? i heart you.

Today my teacher told us that it would "be stupid of anyone" to criticize Kerouac or Shakespeare for writing sexist and racist pieces. This was directly after several students commented how racist and sexist On The Road was.

Winner!

I am not sure who is the culprit. It could have been a joint job. I found Slinky hiding the bag of catnip beneath her belly. She was laying in the middle of the dining room, which is pretty odd for her. And then I found what she was hiding.

And now Slinky is chasing imaginary friends around the living room while Garp is at the windowsill screaming and batting/scratching at his reflection in the window. These kids and their drugs today.

In Alaska we drink beer in winter because we haven't much else to do except snowboard and gossip. If we work, we are ridiculously overpaid. Shopping centers are scarce which is okay because we haven't a clue about modern style. So instead we stock up on various beers and liquors and we crowd inside of dirty old bars. People outside of Alaska would call these "dive bars." We call them home because we've never known different. The bars were here before us and they will remain here after us. They house generations of drinkers and sturdy bar stools. We'll never know the intended color of these walls. We haven't thought about it much. In Alaska none of us are alcoholics because all of us are alcoholics. It is one of the best executed plans of denial you will ever find.